Almost 3 years later???

I've cried many tears this morning reading over this blog. A blog I started back in 2009 when Lexi and I were living our summer in Haiti.  The date of my last blog post stops me in my tracks, forces me to wipe away my tears and somehow move forward.  I wrote this just a couple of days before the earthquake hit Haiti.  It felt sometimes like my life came crashing down with that earthquake. My heart was ripped out in so many ways and I was affected so deeply. I kept meaning to come back. To continue this blog ... to keep posting and keep sharing all I was feeling, experiencing .... yet I could never do it. I could never bring myself back here and now it is nearly 3 years later and I actually stumble upon my blog accidentally in signing up to follow someone else's.  Was it meant to be that I end up here? Will anyone even see this or care to read it or be a part of our journey again? Does it matter? Could I be back here again just for me?

Emilee. My precious Emilee. My Haitian daughter. Dourison. My Haitian lil man.  My son. In June of 2010, the adoption of Dourison fell through.  He was the reason I considered and felt led to adopting in the first place. I had been working closely with Heartline Ministries, stateside helping them get doctors and nurses and any help possible down to Haiti ... but I hadn't gone myself. I worked on this end from mid-January until I was able to go myself back to Haiti in May to be with my precious children. Dourison's dad decided then that it was not okay for me to adopt him. He didn't want him and to this day has yet to even go visit him in the orphanage, but has continued to refuse the adoption. It is a long heart-wrenching story that I am not completely ready to share right now ... but I went back again a month later (June 2010) and was forced to say goodbye to the idea of bringing my son home.  My heart still breaks each and every day. I bought a home - he had a bedroom ready for him .... the list is so long.

Saying goodbye to Dourison in June 2010

Visiting my sweet boy in June 2011

Sometimes, there just aren't words. I tried to get both of my children out on humanitarian parole after the earthquake. After months and months of trying, we were turned down and I had to start the entire adoption process again from scratch.  My Emilee was 2 when we met.

Emilee turned five in November....

I was there last to see her with Lexi this past May ... one of many trips since the adoption began.  She and Lexi bonded all over again and Lexi can't wait to bring her little sister home after years of wondering when the time would come ...

Most people don't ask anymore. It's rare I see someone and they ask about Emilee or the adoption in any way. Many times when I have brought it up, people have told me they were afraid to ask because they just assumed it fell through because it has taken so long. Many people have forgotten or put it so far back in their minds. But to us, it is more real every day. Our hearts hurt more and more each day that she is not home with us. This sweet little girl has waited 3 years for her mama to come back and take her to her forever home and it's heartbreaking to only visit a few times a year and be updated with photos of my precious daughter ... instead of having her in my arms.

We are currently in MOI. This is where we get permission to print her passport. Once we have her passport, we wait for approval of another document, usually a couple weeks and then get a visa appointment. She comes home after that .... so once out of MOI, it is likely we are looking at 4-5 weeks until she is home. I don't hold my breath - but I hold hope that she will be home with us in January.  My heart aches to have another Christmas without her. It wasn't supposed to be this way.

Praying a month from now that I will be posting we're on our way to bring her home.

Blessings to any of you who took the time to read this ...